Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
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