God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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