But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
