a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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