dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Randomize
