He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
