thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Randomize
