Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
