you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
