dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
