From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Randomize
