Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
