the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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