Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
