It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
