Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
