I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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