Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
my liver is dry heaving
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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