I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
