Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
