So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize