Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
