I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
