saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Randomize
