i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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