You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
