Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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