I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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