What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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