you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
