I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
