Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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