no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
