I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
