Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
