if i can run in heels then i can drive
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
birth control should be required to get into college
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
