I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize