If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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