Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
