Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
