What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
