Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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