New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
