Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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