i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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