Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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