Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
