I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
