I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize