Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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