I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
