i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
try to milk me bitch
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
