After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So much Jack, so little girl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
