He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
