Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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