Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
