he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
