I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
vagina is talking i cant
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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