i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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