drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
