I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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