I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Randomize
