im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
