Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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