Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
